Everybody Wants to Be a Cat
by VousDireTout
Summary: "One day you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." Victoria thought picking up these strays and fostering them would be as easy as the last batch. She never expected the newest surprise up life's sleeve to be this though. She's a broke ass college student! She can barely remember to study, never mind feed and take care of all these men.
1. Highway to Hell

**I've been meaning to make an Akatsuki kittens-esque story for quite a while now but just never got around to doing so! So, I finally sat my ass down and made it. I'll try to update it as often as I can, I'm not sure how often that will be though.**

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"Now you're sure there's nothing wrong with them?" Victoria asked, eyebrow raised as she looked over the mismatched bundle of kittens cautiously sitting in the carrier.

"Not one thing. Eyesight is fine in the large brown kitten and the odd colours aren't dyed into their fur. Maybe the blue one is just a force bred version of a Russian Blue? It doesn't explain the beady dark eyes though, they normally have brighter eyes." The vet said, rubbing his chin as he peered into the carrier at the kittens he just inspected.  
"The red one too, and the one with the orange and black face. They're just an oddly coloured, weird patterned bunch. I'll call you as soon as we get the blood test results in, but for now they seem as healthy as can be. Just a little dehydrated and malnourished, but that can be fixed with some good food and a heaping bowl of water."

"Huh. I hope it doesn't prevent them from being adopted then." She sighed, hands resting on her hips as she looked up at the vet.

"How much does the shelter owe you? I can bring the bill with me, you know the usual deal Michael."

"Of course. It was all standard checkups and basic procedure. The usual price per kitten including the bloodwork results- I'd say about $2,000 for them altogether."

"Ah, not too bad then. Michelle will write the check then?"

"Already has it prepared. I'm assuming she'll have to call and ask Andrew a few times? The usual?"

"You know him all too well." Victoria sighed once more, picking up the carrier carefully and holding it as steady as she could. Exiting the room with a wave goodbye to the vet, she picked up the check at the desk that Michelle already prepared and walked to the door.

"Let's go drop this off and then bring you to your home then kitties. We'll havta' name you and decide everything there."

 **~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~**

Looking over at the other Akatsuki from the corner of the carrier, I sighed and looked ahead where the carrier was resting. To die for a second time, with no control over your body until the very end and wake up a third time. Did whatever God that damned me to Hell just make me their own personal play toy? Was my suffering enjoyment to this God? It better be, because it was one Hell I would have never wished upon another being.

Standing up, I looked down at my black fur and stared at my legs that shook. I'm still not used to walking on all fours, who would be after walking on two legs their entire life? Hastily, I took a step forward with one paw, the back right one following in suit. I eventually made my way between the rest of the Akatsuki, ignoring Kisame's call to me as I looked between the bars to the outside. It certainly didn't look like a train, there were windows to the front and the right of us and some fabric strap crossing infront of the bars. A restraint of some sort, maybe.

Hearing a loud noise, I felt my ears press against my head and felt the cage jerk to the left violently. My body hit the wall of the plastic box and I lied against the ground in case we were tossed around once more. Hearing everyone behind me groan, curse and yell at the movement, I saw a hand jump in front of the bars and noise go off again. How annoyingly loud it was, I never want to hear it again.

"Fucking asshole! Don't cut me off, I have animals in the car!" The woman, Victoria, screamed, the noise happening once more, of course, and the cage swerved to the right now taking me and the rest of the Akatsuki with it. Whatever was causing this cage to move, it certainly wasn't someone yanking it around. Were we on a train? It seemed logical, but outside certainly didn't look like the Land of Snow. There were too many buildings, no snow nor was there any fields. It didn't look like any village I've seen before.

"Stop throwing the fucking cage around you bitch!" Hidan yelled, making my ears flicker once more. He's loud, probably just as annoying as the noise that came from whatever was carrying Victoria and this cage that restricted us all.

"Shut up Hidan. We're all annoyed by this, you're not making it any better." Sasori said, making me want to roll my eyes as I stood and sat infront of the bars once more. Hearing the small tap of paws beside me, I figured it was Kisame as I looked up at a ledge inside of whatever this thing was.

"What do you think Itachi? Is this Hell? It certainly feels like it, going from S ranked criminals to helpless kittens at the mercy of some woman."

"Whatever this is, it's strange. There's no chakra from what I can tell. Not from her or from that man and woman veterinarian who prodded us back at their establishment."

"I didn't sense any either. Even civilians have the faintest amounts, yet no one we've been in contact with has any. Maybe it's a remote village somewhere?" He mused to himself, making m sigh once more, feeling the cage lurch forward slightly and the small rumble that was coming from this object cease.

"Whatever it is, we'll find out soon enough."

 **~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~**

"Now kitties, I'm gonna keep you in the guest bathroom for now until you guys get all settled down. I'll let you out later on tonight around dinnertime, okay?" This woman, whatever her name was, said to us all. She's been baby talking all of us since she found us behind the garbage bins behind some restaurant. The streets were loud, packed with too many people and we were just learning how to walk with these four _blessed_ legs.

"Sasori, you've been pretty quiet since we got out of that "Amy" thing this woman had us in, hm." Deidara said, walking up to my line of vision and staring outside the cage as we all looked at her feet move in the small room.

"Leave me be brat. I've been trying to figure out where we've been transported. It doesn't look like any of the villages I've been to."

"I can't tell where we are as well." Itachi spoke up, moving to sit a little bit away from Sasori as he stared straight ahead at the woman.

"With how busy this place seems, it might be a village outside of Amegakure, but it seems too technologically advanced for that village though."

"Alright! I've kitten proofed the room, you guys can come out now." The woman said, the cage doors now opening as Deidara and Hidan bolted out of the cage, caution thrown to the wind.

I give them a week, tops, to stay alive in a place like this.

"About fucking time! I was getting cramped in that plastic smelling Hell with this moron, Kakuzu and blondie!" Hidan said, his head tilted all the way back as he stared up at the woman who brought us here. Seeing Kisame, Kakuzu, and Itachi make their way out slowly, I stood and decided I should as well. No point in staying in here if the other two are still alive outside of this carrier. It doesn't seem like this woman can tell we're not actually cats anyway.

"Let's get a better look at you all now that you're all washed up and taken care of. That Michelle certainly does wonders when it comes to cleaning up abandoned cats." The woman said, kneeling as Deidara stood in front of her, fur on his back bristled up as her hand got a little too close.

"Stay back, hm! Don't touch me." He hissed, ears pressed against his head as she laughed and put her hands up.

"Oh, don't worry silly little thing~ I ain't gonna' touch you just yet, I'm only looking." She said, sitting down all the way now and crossing her legs, her elbows propped up on her knees. Her face was round and full looking, her baggier shirt probably hiding the bit of weight that settled on her midsection. She didn't seem to have too much extra weight on her, maybe twenty pounds, but it was showing nonetheless. Her brown, wavy, chin length hair framed her face decently enough. Her blue eyes scanned over us, stopping for a few seconds on each one of us as the smile never left her face.

She looks like a kid in a candy store, ready to pick us up and toss us in her bag to take wherever she pleased. There was no way she was older than 25, she looked too young for it despite the stress lines around her eyes already forming. She seemed too innocent too, like she was sheltered from the world and never had to experience anything bad happening to her. Sheltered, naïve, young…she wouldn't make it five seconds back home. This had to be somewhere I've never been before. Maybe somewhere unmarked on our world map? Where would that be though? Maybe somewhere near the Land of Waves?

"I think it's about time we name you guys. That way we can put your pictures up on your adoption forms in the upcoming month's article." She beamed, a wave of anxiety washing through me for the first time in over ten years.

Whatever God exists in this world, kill me now.

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 **Reviews and favourites are appreciated, thanks for reading the chapter~!**


	2. The Name Game

"I think it's about time we name you guys. That way we can put your pictures up on your adoption forms in the upcoming month's article." I smiled, my head resting in my hands as I browsed the multicoloured cats below me.

They're such odd looking cats, I don't think some of them will get adopted. I'm not sure I could take care of those ones for a long time either. The big brown one might not get adopted, not with the way his eyes look or with the deep scars that peek through his fur. People are almost always looking for the cute Instagram worthy cats, he'll be a toughy. The big blue one too…Maybe. His teeth are all sharp, like a shark. That would scare kids and stuff, so he might be hard to adopt out. Maybe the vet could file some? I've heard of people doing it to their cats before to keep them from drawing blood if a kid provokes them. The one who I might have to hold onto the most though, is the white one. He's drawn blood on my twice and the vet needed to restrain him. If I can't get the aggression out, even I might not be able to take care of him.

However, the red and black ones are quiet, so they might be adopted kinda quickly. I hope they're not the aggressive type. The blond looking cat and the playful one though, those two will be swept up in a heartbeat. Kids will love them and of course, they're Instagram looking cats. People will take them the minute they see them.

Shaking the thoughts from my head, I stretch my back and fix my crop top, looking down at the print to make sure that there were no stains on the moons or stars, especially from the blood that white cat drew. Nothing, cool, okay.

The white cat seemed to be hissing at all of them, mainly bouncing back and forth between the brown one and the blond one. The red one was staying further back than all the other cats while the blue and black ones were paired side-by-side with one another. Might have to adopt those two off as bonded, I'm not too hopeful of that happening though.

Sighing, I brushed my hair back and leaned against the closed bathroom door, arms crossed over my chest. If I had to choose names for these cats, I definitely wanted them to kinda' match their looks or personality. However, it would be better to name them all in a similar way. That way we know which bunch gets adopted for our records. What to do, what to do.

Hearing a hiss, I look down to see the white one staring me down, his hair on end and his tail puffed out. He's a pissy one, if he was at a different shelter, they might have put him down for his attitude. He's a lucky asshole, I'll give him that.

"Listen shitstick. You don't like me, and with the cuts you gave me, I don't exactly like you right now. Let's get that out there. But, you'll have to get used to me because I'm fostering you until you get adopted out, which might be fucking never with how you act. I oughta name you Asshole, but I won't since I'm so generous." This caused him to only hiss more, making me roll my eyes.

Looking back down at the little cutie in my arms, I kissed the top of his head and thanked God that the vet tech was nice enough to clean all the cats for me. It wasn't her job, but she was slow today anyways. Bless her heart.

The white one would be easy enough to name. I had a million names coming to my mind when I looked at him. It was the other ones, like the one in my hands and the brown one, that I couldn't think of names for. Naming was always the hardest part.

"You'll be Jason. Jason Vorhees. I'm ashamed to give you the name of my husband, my one and only, but it fits you kinda well. Just goes on a random killing spree, destroying everything in his wake. You better do his name justice, little man." I say, staring down at the white cat who seemed to chill for five seconds, just staring back at me. Weird

Looking over at the all black cat, I smile and reach out to gently pet his head. He was calm, collected, and just knew what he wanted to do. He had everything planned, it seemed. What a cool cat. Haaa~

"You'll be Omen, and you-"

My head turns, looking at the blue-ish cat next to him who seemed to always have some sort of smile on his face. For someone who's been through all of this,

"Will be Hex. It's matching for the two of you, a good pairing. Hopefully I can adopt you out together."

With a hum, I set down the cutie in my arms and gently pet the blond cat, soon picking him up despite a low growl of displeasure.

"My little cutie pie, you sweet thing you, will be Imp while this angry little guy will be Lumos."

The brown cat and the red cat were left. What to do, what to do. Their names won't be as easy, that's for sure.

"You, little guy, will be Joker and you, my big man, will be Rogue. Perfect! We have our names, so I'll get money from the shelter tomorrow and grab your collars."

These cats are all so strange. They're all quiet, staring at me- it's odd. Maybe they're just in shock from being moved around and prodded all day. All cats react differently after all, just like humans.

Standing, I open the door so they can go out to inspect the house on their own. I'll make them some food to hold them over for tomorrow, when I go out to grab their cat food and such. I'm just glad I had leftover litter and boxes from the last litter I fostered. They're probably not litter trained at all, but it won't hurt to hope they are. Who knows what their situation was before I picked them up.

 **~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~ Meow ~**

This bitch thinks she can just keep me as some pretty, little pet, but she's wrong. I know this has just got to be a test of my faith to Lord Jashin. It's quite the test, but one I will pass nonetheless.

What kind of name is Jason anyways? I've never heard a name like that before, not even from other countries or at the bounty offices Kakuzu and I visited. Some of those dead fuckers had some weird names too.

The others slowly followed her, like they've already accepted the fact that they were just pets, toys to her. The only one I didn't see was-

"You have something on your mind, Hidan."

"Kakuzu. Where are we? Is this a version of Hell? Has Jashin damned me?"

"Your pathetic God has nothing to do with this. It has to be some sort of jutsu."

"Then why isn't there any chakra? Last I checked, we both died." I said, standing on my four legs and finally walking out of the bathroom, Kakuzu right beside me with each step matching my own.

"We're also in different forms. This could be a remote village. I spoke to Itachi and Sasori about this. Itachi said he saw some metal vehicles, smaller than trains, outside when the woman was bringing us here. Sasori's body is different as well. He's no longer a puppet, but living flesh and blood. Something is going on."

"We've been to almost every village marked on the world map Kakuzu, especially when it comes to looking for your stupid fucking bounties. What other village could this be?"

It's not the Land of Snow, the leaves were changing colours; orange, red and yellows galore when we were outside earlier. It's not Iwagakure, for sure. Not as industrialized, not as dark, not as gloomy. It's _too_ industrialized for Konoha or anywhere in the Land of Fire.

"I'm thinking it might be somewhere closely linked with Iwagakure. It's the closest place that I can think of that has industrialization that could make such vehicles as these. There might be a town or village we missed in our travels."

"Are you sure?"

"Mm."

He wasn't. I know damn well he's not sure about what village or town we're in. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out, so we can get the fuck out of here. Once I'm human again, I'll beat the shit out of that shadow jutsu freak that did this to me. Apparently, he fought Kakuzu again when we were revived by Kabuto. I'll make sure I'll kill him, he'll be the best sacrifice I'll ever have to Lord Jashin.

"Here you guys are! It's just something quick, but I have some leftover rotisserie chicken from one I bought at Sam's Club the other day." The woman said, my ears twitching from how her voice echoed off the walls.

My head turning, I felt my stomach growl and I licked my lips. I guess she can stay alive for now, since she's feeding us. We haven't eaten in two days! My feet couldn't move quick enough to reach a separate bowl she had for me. She had a separate bowl for each of us.

"Oh? _Now_ you like me? It's only 'cause I have food."

"No shit. Give it to me and move on."

"Yeah yeah, here you go Jason."

I would have cursed the bitch out, if it weren't for the fact that there was already food in my mouth. It's not like I'm the only one. Tobi, Kisame, and Deidara are scarfing theirs down as well. I don't even think this woman has time to put the bowl down before Tobi's head was in the bowl.

Whoever this Sam guy is, who made this chicken, it's fucking great.

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 **Wow, look at me, actually updating a story for once. Please Review!**

 **Just to clear things up, incase it wasn't clear enough in the story**

 **Kakuzu: Rogue**

 **Hidan: Jason**

 **Itachi: Omen**

 **Kisame: Hex**

 **Sasori: Joker**

 **Tobi: Imp**

 **Deidara: Lumos**


End file.
